Once more, I am embarking on a journey of self-discovery, one that requires me to cast aside my mask and reveal myself to you. It's been long overdue, and the apprehension I feel right now is similar to the day I first stepped out of the proverbial closet as a teen.
That experience was both liberating and terrifying, and yet, here I am ready to do it all over again. This time, I am declaring my dedication to myself and to the pursuit of authenticity and to the discovery of the real me. I want to embrace every moment of this beautiful unfolding thing we call life.
One of my favorite Shakespeare quotes is, “This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man.” What does all this mean, you ask? It means that I am ready to surrender to the magic of self discovery, to let go of all the pretenses and allow my true self to shine through.
The path I have chosen, often referred to as Spirituality, New Age, or even Hoodoo Voodoo, is really more of a deeply personal journey of self-exploration. It's a quest to break free from the shackles of societal conditioning and programming. It's a return to the boundless love and intuition that flows within us, waiting to be unleashed.
In 2019, a dormant part of my spirit began to awaken. Little did I know that I was about to embark on a journey of deep self-discovery. The stars had aligned, guiding me to the teachings of Human Design, a mystical art that blends the magic of astrology, the wisdom of Kabbalah, and the enigmatic teachings of Chinese I Ching. As I delved deeper into these ancient secrets, my partner of 10 years abruptly ended our relationship, leaving me reeling and questioning everything I thought I knew of myself.
Divorce shook the very foundations of my life, and then the world was plunged into chaos by the pandemic of 2020. The universe had cast me adrift, and I found myself navigating uncharted waters, my life transformed beyond recognition. The next 2 years that followed was unlike any other time I have ever experienced. The whole world went black - literally and figuratively. I no longer knew who I was. The only thing that provided me comfort was this new thirst for all things spiritual. I had abandoned the search for God but God had not abandoned her search for me.
A light came on inside of me. A spark ignited in the deepest chambers of my heart. The tears came first.. a chaotic storm that often felt like I was dying. And in retrospect, I realize I was indeed experiencing a death - the death of my ego.
The next wave that hit me was a tidal wave of creativity that burst out of me like a tsunami. My art consumed me in a way that I cannot properly explain to you. I started creating the most beautiful and unexpected paintings. Some of the things I created during this time I did not have the level of consciousness to fully understand. To be honest, I felt some shame around this new art. It was weird, wild and unpredictable.
When I think of the Chris of 2019 and 2020 my eyes still get tears in them. I am proud of all the versions of who I have been. Even in the darkest moments of my life I chose to love others and to love myself to the best of my ability. I had no idea what was happening to me when I was going through what I now know was the awakening of my heart.
For a long time I kept this story to a very small circle of friends. I hid in what I am now calling the “spiritual closet”. I had deep shame about the books, videos and information that I was consuming. It felt dirty... like I was doing something wrong. It took me years to be able to speak freely about the wisdom that was coming from my heart.
The reason I am sharing this with you, fellow heart travelers, is that this experience is the reason why I moved to Eureka Springs, Arkansas and opened up The Heart Division. I wanted to shine my light to be a beacon for others who are experiencing their own heart coming online. I wanted to create a place where people could come and feel safe enough to ask weird questions without judgement.
The Exploration of the Heart 2024: Uncovering the Answers You've Been Seeking
I've learned that the answers we seek can be elusive, primarily because we aren't asking the right questions. That's where the Heart Division comes in – it's a safe space where we can ask the tough questions and share all sorts of peculiar and fascinating things.
I believe that everyone's journey is personal, and it has nothing to do with religion but everything to do with connecting with yourself. I encourage you to explore and experiment, just as I do daily. I remain open to new experiences and question everything, continually cultivating my discernment through the lessons I've learned and processed with my heart. I urge you to do the same.
If you're going through a similar experience and need a safe place to explore this new you, I invite you to visit our shop in Eureka Springs, Arkansas. We are ready for you. I look forward to seeing you soon.